During a phone interview 2 weeks ago, I got asked a question that discouraged me. A lot. First, it was asked in Spanish, and I didn’t catch all of it. And the interviewer caught that my Spanish isn’t good enough to list as “fluent”, which is why I always list it as “good”, not “fluent”. But it was discouraging to hear that my Spanish is only good enough to teach Middle School, not High School, because I’m worried about us getting any job at all.
Further down the rabbit trail, Mr. Wonderful heard that his contract would not be renewed at the end of March. He still hasn’t got a job. So we agreed that, if he doesn’t have a job as of July 1, I would start looking.
Our marriage has been punctuated by him learning about being the provider for the family. He only started believing last year that God might want to provide for us entirely through him. On the other hand, a wife in our church gently told me that any time a wife works outside the home it is a Ploy Of Satan to Break Up The Family, and God allows it, just like He allows abortion to happen. Um, thanks- explain that to our mortgage company, please, while Mr. Wonderful comtemplates his navel and wonders if he is supposed to provide grocery money to feed our 3 kids and myself.
Back to the original loop. The question was, “Where do you feel God is calling you- to teach Spanish, or maybe Psych (my major), or somewhere else, like working through your church to disciple women?” (I love discipleship most, Latin next, then Spanish.) Answer: I have no idea.
It finally came to me today that some of the frustration in the question is, I’m a “little picture” person. I see the “next step” clearly, most days. Big trends from God, Higher Goals, not so much- I have to put together a grocery list and prep #3’s room for painting, thanks.
However, I think I can see the Big Picture if I take a minute now and try. Frankly, I’m not going to untangle “Where is God leading Ruthie” from “Where is God leading Ruthie’s family”, today, though. I believe God put us in a family for a Team Purpose, and even if He is dealing with Mr. Wonderful in some particular area, we’re all along for the ride, so might as well do our bit.
Here’s the signposts- we’ve been married 11 years, our kiddos are 9, 8, 7 years old. We were given 11 cars in the first 3 years of our marriage. Given, not sold or traded. We are trying to sell a car this month (to downsize), and only have had a couple of nibbles. God definitely works through our car situation.
Of 11 years of marriage, we have always lived below the poverty line. We married whilst raising support for an International Missions Organization. When pregnant with #2, we were promised help (1/2 salary) from the organization and moved to Georgia, still trying to raise the other 1/2 salary. It didn’t happen, so Mr. Wonderful found a job as a church secretary Downtown.
9 months later, with #3 due in 2 weeks, church tells Mr. W he’s not secretary material, so they fire him. They will cover the birth with insurance, and the first checkup after, for which I am thankful. #3 is born, and we live off savings, and finally gifts from our church. When #3 is 2 months old, I suggest I put out a couple of resumes, and am hired through a temp agency.
Liking my work, the firm where I was sent by the temp agency makes arrangements to hire me straight out. This turns out to be a great thing, since #3’s birth defect requires $40k surgery, and the firm covers 100% medical for the whole family. (Hand of God or Ploy of Satan?) Four months later, I get a promotion and raise and we can afford our first house. Two years of steady paychecks and church-wives pressure later, I find myself crying uncontrollably through every Monday morning’s commute, after spending every weekend with Mr. Wonderful saying, “We had a picnic under the big oak Thursday- the kids and I sure wish you could be home and do things like that, too!”
My boss recommends that no job is worth crying over, so I quit. Pulling up in our driveway, I tell Mr. W, “Get a job.” He starts a professional Clown business, and we use savings to pay the bills all summer. Autumn, two homeschool co-op directors ask me to tutor Latin and Spanish one day a week, and I agree. The kids come with me. Mr. W also tutors at the local co-op.
We stay about 1 month behind in the bills. My idea is to sell the house and land, and find someplace smaller. His is to hold onto it and find more work. I pick up tutoring at a 3rd co-op.
One year ago, I call a church elder in tears- “I can’t handle it anymore! I’m going to pack up and leave this man!” Mr. Wonderful gets on the phone and makes arrangements to have lunch- the elder & his wife, and we two. I prepare myself for a “Now Ruthie, you must stop spending so much on groceries, cut back on leisure stuff, and give up anything that’s not a necessity” lecture. Instead, elder says, “Mr. W, you are very employable. You are eager to learn, you learn fast, you are cheerful. You should find a job that covers your family easily!”
Mr. W, heartened, goes off and applies at local schools for a full-time teaching job. He walks into L School 2 days after the Biology teacher has quit, and classes begin in another 2 weeks. He’s hired. Halfway through the school year, realizing he’s been working 60-hour weeks to stay caught up with a subject he hasn’t seen since college, L School switches him to Bible. Three months later they let him know his contract is not being renewed.
OK, there’s the clues. Somewhere in that story is “What God is Trying to Do in Our Lives”. Should I apply for something on July 1? Should we look for a school where we can both work, and the kiddos attend (rather than homeschool)? Should I sit back and keep house until Mr. W finds something, no matter how many creditors it allows us to represent Christ to? “I have no convictions on whether or not you work”, says Mr. W. “Do what you want.”
I don’t want to do what I want. I want to do what God wants. It’s fruitless, otherwise. We’ll just go through it again and again and again, and I am very, very tired. Anybody see it?
